Anger. Ahh, our relationship with anger is complex. Some will claim that is fuel for accomplishment. Others say that it is the only time anyone listens. Others will avoid it at all costs until it boils to the surface – and that is where that old saw “the straw that breaks the camel’s back” comes from. The emotion of anger manifests itself when we are hurt by someone or something. Ever gotten angry after you have hit your thumb with a hammer? I have. The anger is directed at myself, the hurt is not about my thumb. It is really about me thinking about how stupid I am for smashing my finger – I hurt myself accidentally with the hammer and then intentionally on an emotional level with that thought.
The truth is that every time I get angry, I hurt myself. If I inflict that anger on someone else, I still hurt myself. And more importantly, I hurt myself more than I am hurting the object of my wrath. Every time, no exceptions, don’t believe it? The next time you are angry, stop and think about what is making you angry. Why is this making you angry? Why is this important? Why do I need an emotional response to whatever is evoking this emotion? Is this the best response? Does it solve the problem? Would I appreciate this solution if it were being applied to me? Would a more considered, rational, detached approach create a similar, better, worse outcome? Having a response that is not anger based when problems occur does not make you a doormat. Anger will most frequently crop up when we have lost control of something. Think about that. How many times do you get angry when you are in control? Do you get angry when things are going your way and people, places and things are being compliant? Probably not, most of us don’t.
When I think about the times in my own life when I became the most angry, who am I kidding? When I think about anytime that I have gotten angry it is because something was not going to turn out the way I wanted, planned, schemed, etc… It still happens. What I have learned and only relatively recently is that, “I only control myself” and sometimes I don’t do that, all that well. I have also recently discovered that being angry with others or myself only prolongs the amount of time it takes for me to move on and accept circumstances or when possible influence the situation. I do not do either particularly well when I am angry.
It is that thought process that helps to evaporate the anger. Sometimes anger is like the morning dew and it dissipates quickly, and other times it is much deeper and takes time. Taking charge of how you feel about what you can and cannot influence is a big step to burning away the toxic residue.
What could you do?… If you could evaporate anger like the sun does the morning dew?
OccasionallySerene's Blog 
Great post, thank you. Looking forward to more.
Andre,
Thanks. I am glad that it is creating some anticipation. More to come…
Great post and great question. I think it should definitely be everyone’s goal to be able to evaporate anger. There is nothing like having peace of mind and when it is clouded with anger, it really is not possible. I think what you suggested about really understanding how much anger works against you is so important. There is just nothing good that it brings to the table so why bother with it? 🙂 Of course we are all going to run into those situations or people that could really push us toward reaching our boiling point, but in the end … the choice is ours and we can determine how we will respond. The more we can choose to not get tangled with anger, the better. Great post.
Thank you Sibyl. I have had my fair share of experience, some success and sometimes not so much. The only thing that is really a constant, is me, and how I deal with things. Now, when I do get angry, my focus is to recognize that I cannot move forward and feel good until let go of the anger. It happens faster, and sometimes I catch myself before there is anger. I love that.
As I started reading this post, the first thought I had was that “every time I get angry, I hurt myself.” And then there it was, word for word! I still get angry, but over time I’ve learned to try to take a step back from the situation that’s triggering my anger, to pause and give myself a change to take a different approach. It doesn’t always work, but it’s an acknowledgement that I am in control and I choose how to respond.
Hi Claire,
That was a pretty profound realization for me. I think the first time I encountered that truth, I thought it was rediculous. Over time I have learned just how true it is. I believe that everytime you pause and give yourself a chance to take a different approach, it is growth. It changes the outcome, even if only a little, but the more frequently you do pause the greater the change in the outcome. And that is because you do get to choose how you respond. Have a wonderful day.
Just the post I can relate to. The questions you posed are the answers in themselves I fathom
Why is this making you angry? Why is this important? Why do I need an emotional response to whatever is evoking this emotion? Is this the best response? Does it solve the problem? Would I appreciate this solution if it were being applied to me? Would a more considered, rational, detached approach create a similar, better, worse outcome?
As they say “Burn anger before it burns you”
Insightful post!
Heena,
I like your quote “burn anger before it burns you.” Anger is something that so many of us get the opportunity to deal with everyday. It is an opportunity. I will just slightly change your quote to “extinguish anger before it extinguishes you.” For me this places me in a slightly more positive place – only slightly – words have power. I try whenever I can be present to use the words that create picture I see in my minds eye. Thank you so much for your comment. Please visit again.
I recognize anger for what it is..fear…so if the emotion pops in I ask myself what am I afraid of? I face that fear/heal that wound/process to dissolve it. There is always a peaceful resolution when I am Aware and open…it is my choice to embrace peace…
Thank you Joy! In most of life our choice is in how we deal with life. Choosing to embrace peace is wonderful.